I wanted the first post to explain the arbitrary symptoms I was facing along with the extreme confusion with the eye problems ..and then talk a bit about the emotional impact of the thyroid eye disease aspect of the disorder. In the near future, I want to post my experience with the surgery. I would be an example of a success story. My surgery was done by 2 phenomenal surgeons in Mayo clinic Jacksonville. They helped me partially regain my sanity! It's been a month and a half since the surgery. I am still experiencing some pain and discomfort especially in the mornings. But that was something I had gotten used to for quite some time now...And it'll never compare to the time when I rubbed my eyes and they POPPED out of the sockets. Sad, Painful, True. Would have made a great scene in a halloween flick.
Prior to Graves: I exuded confidence. I was in good shape, athletic, and gorgeous to myself and others. I was one of the few females in their teens who were completely satisfied with their appearance. I had everything going for me and I was proud of it! I also took it for granted. The great measure of my self-love makes the fall down the ladder of insecurity hurt so much worse.
First onset of eye protrusion: As I explained, I didn't know what was happening for several months. I thought it was something that was going to self-correct. In the meantime I was growing deeply insecure by the comments from my friends and family concerning the starry appearance I was developing and maintaining.
After diagnosis until surgery: Once I found out there was an underlying health condition causing this disorder, I felt scared, hopeful and hopeless all at once. For over 2 years I recoiled my self confidence considerably. I am grateful to have many other character traits and good things going for me in my life that losing my appearance was not the end-all. Many people are enduring this agony and have for much longer than me. I empathize sincerely with them and I wish I had the solution that could correct this for us all. For now, you're not alone, and I understand.
What makes this "disfigurement" so different and tap into our insecurity so sharply? Because it's our eyes. The eyes are the most beautiful, expressive, first-noticed physical attribute about a person. We cannot hide them as easily as many other physical features. I would gladly trade the T.E.D. for some of the worst physical disfigurements. Throw a huge mole on my back, leave me a sizable scar on my knee...anything but this. Gradually, it became more difficult to let people look me in the eye. I had to consciously tell myself to allow it. I also went from a person who took pictures of myself constantly to one who ducked out from any camera in sight. I had bug eyes and it seemed like they were only getting worse with time. Sometimes strangers would compliment me and say I have the most BIG beautiful blue eyes they have ever seen. All I heard was big eyes. At times I felt like I was scary looking. I looked at myself and thought such negative words, "mutated, ugly, disfigured..etc" It was emotionally painful to look at myself.
Many women know what it's like to go through pain in order to look good. It's almost a norm. That would be my logical reasoning for why the extreme pain was not as "painful" to me as my outward appearance.
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